It's officially November! Right now most people are buzzing about this historical election they will cast their votes for tomorrow, me, I'm breathing thru minutes and counting down hours until November 15th. In 12 short days a new addition to our family will be joining us. Actually, she is the first addition to our family, Addison Marie Oliver. Now that I've typed November 15th, I'm hoping she will spite me and come early....not late, early! :) Jake thinks that she will be here a week from today. I like his thinking, a week from today would be wonderful, 5 days early and on one of my greatest friends Birthdays.... Pray me in to labor friends! *wink
This last couple of weeks have been 2 of the hardest for me, and for Jake. With this struggling economy we've had some cutbacks and paycuts at work. The blessing is that we still have jobs, the hurt is the cut in pay and a baby on the way. Thankfully, we saved for my maternity leave and can focus on the Joy of our little girl.
The hard part for me is that in the midst of this "storm" I've had to face myself and my weaknesses and realize that I'm in a weak spot in my faith. It's always easy to trust God when things are "good".....I'm great at believing in His power when I don't need it so much....Right now, I'm struggling because I am having the hardest time trusting Him, understanding why we are in the midst of this struggle and believing that He will take care of us. I don't know what to pray for and how to pray for it. I know what I want to pray....I want to pray for tangible things, the gap to be restored, the security of our jobs, the business we work for to be fruitful, etc. but I know and believe that there is a bigger lesson in this....I believe that God wants Jake and I in this place of vulnerability for a reason.....He wants our attention, He wants us to grow, and He most definitely wants us to learn to lean on Him, not just say we do, to experience His power and learn that its not about us and our comfort and our "stuff".....I'm disappointed in myself that I am struggling to let go and let Him work.
I'm not writing all this so that those reading will feel sorry....writing is more therapeutic, and I guess if I can be transparent, and maybe someone else is in the same spot...they too could realize that God wants us to Grow even when it's tough, when the light at the end of the tunnel seems extremely distant. I think the message that Jesus wants us to receive is in the journey thru the tunnel as long and dark as it might be. His word should be (and I'm desperate to make it) the lamp unto my feet and the light unto my path.
Blessings.............
