Beauty...

I was reminded last night of the beauty of Jesus' love.  As cliche as that might sound, how often do you reflect on it? I know I talk about it and feel it and know it, but last night I was able to see it in its purest form.  I was so struck by it that I had to sit down and share my thoughts.
A dear childhood friend of mine that I have reconnected with and adore has become a follower of Jesus recently in her life.  To watch and listen to all He is doing in her life is so refreshing! She spoke of an event happening at our church in a couple weeks that was an ideal opportunity to invite her loved ones to come, not only for the event, but to experience this new part of her life, and hear about her Savior.  As she spoke, emotion poured from her unexpectedly.  Her tears of hope and ache for her family "to come" overcame her.

"to come" 

Not just to this event, not just to church, "to come to know Jesus." To open up their hearts to the possibility of an eternity with Him.  The beauty I was struck by and am still savoring is the reality that when "we come" to Jesus in our lives, return to Him, are in relationship with Him, we want nothing more than to see those we love and those we know come to Him as well.  The beauty I was struck by is the pure, raw emotion of the crack in our voice and tears that spill from our eyes, the emotions that flow from us as we share our desire to see the people we love come to experience the grace, redemption and power of a loving and true God. Because He is true, He is alive, and He is Lord. And He is so good.

She sent me a text this morning, saying she felt silly for being emotional... what I want her to know is what a testimony and reminder to me her transparency was, of the beauty of Christ's love.  To be so moved in our lives from having experienced Jesus, that we can't help but cry out with a broken heart for others to know Him as well.

His love is beautiful, and her heart is as well.

-K

Buttery Guilt.

I bought a bag of this crazy good "all natural" popcorn today-- a healthy snack alternative, Yes? At 2:45pm it seemed like Yes, at 7:52pm with the bag about 3/4 of the way gone, I think NO.

I am obsessed with popcorn, ask my hubby, who is my inhalation witness.  I'm the girl that when I go to the movies, wants the tub (not the single persons serving bag), with butter. Jake doesn't eat one bite. I'm the girl, that when pregnant with my sweet Addison wanted that buttery delight all through my pregnancy even when it made me feel SO sick. I just love popcorn.  So, with some form of crazy logic (otherwise known as no logic at all) it feels like I should just finish off the bag I bought today at 1:00pm so that I don't have it around to eat tomorrow...... except Jake noticed I was still reaching my hand it the bag 5 minutes ago so he has hidden it from me. 

That's all.

a love note...

Dear Summer,

I have many hopes and dreams when I think of you.  For the most part, I am just plain excited to spend time with you, it has been a while and last time we were together I was not in the best form to enjoy you at the fullest.  This year I am about 30 pound lighter, and that being said, I have someone new to introduce to you.  He is wonderful.  

I plan to usher myself into your space with some nice, long runs.  You know, the kind that will tone my jiggly parts up so that I can be dressed appropriately and not make you uncomfortable ( I know you don't care for parka's).  These runs will often include a jogging stroller filled with two baby bums.  It will also often include my fitter-half, aka, my hubby.  If you could tell your friend, Spring to give us some nice warm days to prepare for our time with you, I'd forever be in your debt.

A nice place to enjoy cold strawberry-cucumber inspired water and conversations with you and other good friends will be my wonderful back yard, equipped with a new kiddie pool, lawn chairs and a mess of outdoor toys.  The new "Fathers Day" BBQ will also enhance our experiences together. As you well know, we've been preparing for your warm nights with smokies and burgers already.

Oh don't worry! We will definitely meet up weekly at our Bottle Bay stomping grounds.  Baby #1 has big plans to "go under completely" this year in the glorious lake (that you will warm, right?), and Baby #2 gets to experience the first splash in Lake Pend Oreille.  He will love it.  I can't wait to get back on my water ski and remind myself I'm getting older, but still "got it." 

I long for your sweet starry nights, warm evening breezes, toes in the water while sitting on the dock. The sounds of the hum of a boat motor, children laughing, the excitement of the first fish being reeled in, marshmallow roasted and tent pitched for the season.  Oh how you love me! :)

Summer Evenings on the Lake....

Iced coffee, garage sales, crafting, and spending time slowly absorbing each ray of sun you have to offer.  Oy! I am so eager for your arrival.  

Just wanted you to know you are heavily anticipated and thought of often.

Your #1 Fan,

Kristine

Catching Up...

6 months! The little man in my life is already 6 months old! Oh how he has changed me and wrapped me around his sweet fingers. :) Funny how all through my pregnancy I couldn't imagine a boy, what it would be like to hold him in my arms, nurse him and yes, change his diaper...how would a little boy work? How would he fit into the family?  Oy! He has not only my heart, but his daddy's and sisters hearts also, he has them safely tucked into his tiny boy denim jean pockets. hehehe baby booty in tiny jeans, is there anything cuter?

Playing at Grandma & Grandpa's on his 6 month birthday

A little bit of Sunshine to bask in....

Life is sweet right now, after a year of many stretching situations, lessons, emotions and such.  Addison is a  such a little girl, no longer showing any signs of  "baby or toddler" but that of a school girl these days.  Pushing back, pushing boundaries, talking back, learning, questioning, embracing and loving hard.  Cruz is sleeping longer stretches at night, laughing and interacting with his sister who he adores and dancing (yes, dancing literally) when he hears music or clapping.  He loves music....we may have a little musician on our hands...we shall see. His chubby legs and sweet shoulders beg for never ending kisses which he has no problem receiving. :)

First Dentist trip was a HUGE SUCCESS! :) She loved it!

Some transparency: I find myself seeking balance in my life and shunning the voice in my ear ever so often that tells me I am inadequate at being the wife and mother I am supposed to be with the perfectly behaved 3 year old, 6 month old that is sleeping perfectly through the night... amazing dinners on the table of my spotless kitchen table each night.....as well as a professional woman with it all figured out down to the most intricate detail- when it comes to my time with my job (even though much of it is done from home). To be ahead of the game and  exceeding expectations only I have put on myself...I know that I am doing my best a both and enjoy both immensely... however the reality of there only being "so many hours in one day" is definitely where I find myself.

Yes, life truly is good and I am happy.  Despite the doubt that creeps into my head from time to time I know that God has equipped me with everything I need to do all He has placed before me, in my home ministry and in my church ministry- they are both the ministry of my life.   I am looking forward to the summer season that offers sweet down time with the ones I love the most .  Memories to be made on the water and under the sun.

So as for the delay in the world of blogging, wow, 2.5 months have passed since I last found myself sitting before my computer notepad writing down my thoughts for you to read.... all 7 of you *wink.

An early April sunny day, missing daddy in this pic, he was taking it! :)

More to come, some more on life, and then more on some crafting, playing, growing and such.

Cheers,
Kristine

Enough Excuses

Okay, Okay, OKAY! I've stated that the beginning of this year a "resolution" if you will, would be to "get back to getting fit!" Cruz was 2 months old when I decided this and now he is 3.5 and I am not "back to fit" YET... ENOUGH with the excuses! This is not a resolution, this is a lifestyle and I am 29, I better get it figured out before more life passes me by and it is not my lifestyle! SO no more resolutions, no more excuses.  Time to set goals and meet, then surpass them.  Thank you Pinterest for your "fitness" pins because I feel like a slacker and I also feel inspired!  So, I'm putting this out there and now I gotta do it NOW!
Addison is on board too, for the last week she has asked me every single day "Mama, when can we work out!?!" We did one workout 2 weeks ago and she put on her shorts and purple tennis shoes and joined me for almost the entire workout! Now if that isn't motivation, I don't know what is.  Time to make that little girl proud! hehehe...

So here I go, on to setting myself up for success!

 Time to get busy!

So, check in with me, see how I'm progressing and keep me accountable until I don't need any accountability but my own self!

On the flip side of this--We have be come a non-processed food family! We are eating and learning via The Daniel Plan Lifestyle Eating program and it is GOOD!!! Learn more about that here:  http://www.danielplan.com/

And check out this blog where I get TONS of recipe ideas that have proven to be delish!  http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/

Now that we have gotten the eating part down for the most part ( it doesn't mean we never get a treat).... The fitness is next! Time to get that INSANITY body back and keep it! 

Cheers!

Kristine

My Greatest Pursuit...

I love being a mommy.  It is amazing to me how much I love this role.  I never would have ever imagined how much my heart and life's direction would be changed when we had our first baby girl.  Over the course of a few months with sweet Addison my whole reason for being on earth became new.  My heart understood in human capacity what God's love for us must feel like.  My mission field became more clear and apparent as now I had a young life to help guide, shape form and point to Jesus.  Many of the aspirations that had taken the forefront in my life shifted to other places of priority, no longer the "most important pursuit."

Today, I have two lives that I helped create, that I love with the deepest love I have ever known or experienced.  I know that this is cliche as it gets, but oh how my heart bursts with love each and every time Addison looks at me and says "You look pretty mama," or "Mommy, I love Jesus too!" 

It swells when my little Cruz-boy's mouth curves up in the corners giving me a slight smile when he is nursing and notices his mama adoringly looking at him.  When he "ah-goo's" me and coos at me, trusting me completely.

There are many things I love, that I still aspire for, to do, to be, and I know God still has plans for me that I will continue to seek and pursue, but the one that will be most important for all of my days is to be a wife and mommy.  To be a light and example to the lives God has entrusted me to parent with my husband.

I am thankful for this season in my life, for the role of being a mommy. Just thought I'd say so.

K

Transparent

To start off, I wanted to say I am SO thankful to be on antibiotics! And thankful to everyone who has offered up prayers on my family's behalf! I haven't been this sick in my adult life! I got on some antibiotics today for my sinus infection....can't wait for them to start working!
Its a quiet afternoon for me right now with both babies sleeping and I'm upstairs looking out the window at the lake and the stillness.  The other night I was soaking in the tub (trying to find some relief, at least for my muscles) and I started to pray.  It began as a prayer asking God to heal my body and protect my family from anymore illness and then it became more of a prayer asking for a renewed passion for Him in 2012.  I have walked with Jesus as my Savior for all of my life, I was raised in the church I now serve and work at, and began my personal relationship with Him at 12 years old.

 I love Jesus, but I take Him for granted.  

He is the one constant in my life, the One who will love me regardless of how many times I throw daggers at His heart with my sin. He is the only true Provider and Healer, yet I continually slip in to self-reliance and focusing on "The American Dream" to find a false security in the physical, only to be reminded, when things fall apart, that only Jesus is capable.
I love Him, and desire Him, but I place Him on the back burner time and time again.
In this time of prayer I found myself asking Him to move me out of the way of myself and really hear Him this year.  Stop talking, stop doing for the sake of doing and just listen.  I asked for clarity, that I might really know how best to seek Him, feel Him and follow Him.  I asked that this year not slip away, day by day, week by week without significant deepening of my walk.  That my worship not just be the same, but that it be transformed into something like never before, a space that is for He and I to commune.
I asked Him to help me be a better wife, an encourager and supporter of my lover, my best friend, my husband. To be a better mother to the beautiful babies He has gifted me with, to love, encourage and support, discipline, teach and be taught by.  To protect their innocence and point them to the deepest love they'll ever know in Christ Jesus.
I asked to be a better follower of Him, and in turn a better leader in the ministry I have before me, at my church, with my worship team, and other volunteers that I will oversee.  That He show me how to meet the needs of others and help them find places to use their gifts and talents for the greater Kingdom of God.

I placed a study on my nightstand. It was in a drawer. Seems silly, but in the drawer I didn't see it or think about it often. Now I see it, and I pick it up and I do it. I talk with my Father.  I won't be perfect, I'll forget to or make excuses to not spend time with Him in devotion and prayer.  I'll let a week go by without giving Him the time he deserves, the priority he should always be. This is me saying it like it is. It makes my heart sad to say it, but it's true. I will mess up.   But this year, instead of letting the gap of guilt widen, I will continue to push myself out of a place of complacency and pursue Him.

I won't let Satan's voice telling me that asking for forgiveness one more time is one more time too many.  

I may not be capable, but He is,  It is in my weakness that He is made strong, that He is glorified.

This is me being transparent, honest and embarrassed at the person I am far to often.  But Jesus can take the tattered parts of me and turn them into a beautiful tapestry.  He can for you too.

Kristine

Derailed...

As excited as I was to begin this new year with a bang, it turned out to be more of a fizzle.  My intentions were to wake up on the 1st head to church and come home and starting planning for things to begin and accomplish this first week of the new year.  Well, we made it to church and once we got home everything stalled.  Addison after her nap started coughing and feeling icky, and I started to feel a lot of achyness (sp) in my joints and muscles as well as a headache coming on.  Needless to say, we were going downhill and fast. Sunday night came and went and then Monday--  the aches and pains I had felt were intensifying in my joints and muscles and I spent the night buried under blankets sleeping in sweats and my robe, still freezing with chattering teeth that kept me up from 2-4:30am.  Having not gotten to bed until almost 11 this was not much sleep for mama.  Addison and Cruz both woke up at 6 so I was going to have to survive on 4.5 hours of sleep,with a now migraine headache and low fever.  Addison was hacking and complaining of an upset tummy and Jake had to be off to work (poor guy wanted to stay home and take care of us but it is month end close so he really couldn't).  Luckily for me, Cruz sleeps well and takes good naps during the day and he did so all day Tuesday.  I took advantage of his nap-times and let Addison watch cartoons and movies while I cat-napped on the couch trying to regain some strength.
I know we had quite a few friends praying for us, I was worried it was flu and praying constantly all day that Cruz not get whatever Addison and I had.  By the end of the day, both of us were feeling quite a bit better and seemingly on the mend. Addison's still had her cough yesterday but not too bad and is mostly back to her usual self.  I on the other-hand felt 90% better yesterday and jumped on my usual daily routine only to be slapped back again around 4pm when I started getting the same aches as I had on Monday night.  I spent the remainder of the evening in pain and started the on and off of feeling like I was freezing (despite wearing layers), then sweating.  UGH! I believe I have come to the conclusion that I have fallen victim to Mastitis. I am calling my doctor at Sandpoint Women's Health today to see if they agree, and if so, to treat with antibiotics before it gets any worse. I do have the symptoms in my chest region that follow suit with Mastitis and being that what would have been "flu" never really progressed, this is where I've landed.
All this being said, all I can say at this point is wow! I had never really gotten sick while Addison was a baby, even a toddler and on,  my first bouts with any illnesses came by way of a cold and GI bug this last summer while pregnant with Cruz.  I was still a mother of only one child that I had to take care. Being a sick mommy of a sick 3 year old and still needing to take care of, nurse, etc. a 10 week old is a lot of work.  I have a ton of admiration for the single mom's out there who's reality this is daily.
I am also thankful for the community of people in my life.  I knew there were a lot of people praying for our recovery as well as praying for protection over my infant.  I also had my doctors wife ask me if there was anything they could do and offer to bring me chicken soup.  I mean how many people have a community like this?  When I say community I'm not referring specifically to that of Sandpoint, but rather the community of people who we have relationships with, that care about us and us them.  Those that pray for us and we pray for, offer to help out, etc.  I believe that through these relationships and community, I can see the hands and feet of Jesus.  And looking back on this week, the first week of 2012 that I had all these hopes and plans for, I realize that maybe God's plan for me was to stop (or be stopped) in order that I might take some time to realize all those in our lives that make up a great community of people who God has put in our lives to show us His love so that we strive at doing the same for others.  A great reminder to me that this year, 2012-- might not only be about my hopes, intentions and aspirations, but rather what things God might want me to focus on hourly, daily, weekly, etc.
So, as this week starts winding down, and most of the things I planned to accomplish were derailed by illness, I believe I have had some time to be reminded that though my 2012 goals included following and growing in Jesus, HE reminded me that this is a moment by moment task, an hour by hour fine tuning of the ear to His voice, prompting and leading.  To not allow my goals to get in the way of what He might have for me in the moment, even if its different than what I had planned for that moment.

Its Thursday, here's to the rest of this week and weekend.  May our bodies be healed by His hand, our hearts be pulled closer to the Heart of the Father and our hopes, dreams and intentions be aligned with His moment by moment plan for our lives.

K